It isn't a secret that I am pretty much all bah-hum-bug lately. Moving during the holidays is not ideal for anyone. When Paul and I decided to get a divorce and I decided to move myself and the kids back to Utah I pretty much told the kids that the holidays will entail us moving. My gift to them is returning home to Utah where our friends and families are present. The gift of family in my opinion should be considered the greatest gift of all.
But am I wrong? Should I be trying to shop for Christmas gifts that I will have to find somewhere to pack them and move them? Should I be attempting to decorate as I normally would just to tear it all down a week before Christmas to put it on the moving truck?
I want to attempt to keep things as normal as possible for the kids but at what point do I focus on the packing and moving? I would never suggest to anyone to decide to move during the holidays. It really "for Me" ruins the holidays.
Monday, November 26, 2012
Tuesday, November 20, 2012
AZ Life Coming to an END
Well it is finally official; our Arizona life is coming to an end. Flights are scheduled for family to fly in to help pack up and drive our belongings to a storage unit in Utah. U-Haul is booked and waiting to be picked up. Back of my truck is full of boxes just waiting to be filled.
The move is bitter sweet. As we leave Arizona we also leave behind us the family and life that we once had. I have had many days where I go back and forth questioning if agreeing to a divorce was the right option or if mistakes were made. Reality is that mistakes were made on both ends. I have come to terms with the situation and really believe that this is what is best for all of us. But that doesn't make any of it any easier.
I am not sure yet where the kids and I will land or where we will make our home in Utah but I do know that it will be the three of us together. Really that is all that matters. I am excited to have the opportunity to watch my nieces and nephew grow up. I am thrilled that I will be just a short drive away from my sisters and my brother. I am blessed that we have two church communities that we have missed and grateful that we will always be welcome to come back. Coffee with the girls will at some point resume. So many things that we are looking forward to.
I am so blessed to have met so many amazing people while here in Arizona and it will be hard to leave them behind. I hope that the kids and I can plan future trips to come back and visit friends and our current church community.
Anyhow, everything happens for a reason. Our past transforms us into who we are and our future is something that only God has the power to decide. So for now I will continue to trust that God has a plan for us and we will be where he needs us to be in our future. Living in the moment is about all I am prepared to focus on. So blessed I am.
The move is bitter sweet. As we leave Arizona we also leave behind us the family and life that we once had. I have had many days where I go back and forth questioning if agreeing to a divorce was the right option or if mistakes were made. Reality is that mistakes were made on both ends. I have come to terms with the situation and really believe that this is what is best for all of us. But that doesn't make any of it any easier.
I am not sure yet where the kids and I will land or where we will make our home in Utah but I do know that it will be the three of us together. Really that is all that matters. I am excited to have the opportunity to watch my nieces and nephew grow up. I am thrilled that I will be just a short drive away from my sisters and my brother. I am blessed that we have two church communities that we have missed and grateful that we will always be welcome to come back. Coffee with the girls will at some point resume. So many things that we are looking forward to.
I am so blessed to have met so many amazing people while here in Arizona and it will be hard to leave them behind. I hope that the kids and I can plan future trips to come back and visit friends and our current church community.
Anyhow, everything happens for a reason. Our past transforms us into who we are and our future is something that only God has the power to decide. So for now I will continue to trust that God has a plan for us and we will be where he needs us to be in our future. Living in the moment is about all I am prepared to focus on. So blessed I am.
Monday, November 5, 2012
Lost
Feeling pretty lost today.
I am faced with the should we stay in Arizona or should we go back to Utah questions.
I have tried to sit down and weigh out all of the pro's and con's of both but I still don't know what the right decision is, what choice is the right one to make.
Reality is that we will end up starting all over. Arizona has the perk of cheaper housing due to the current economy and some of the jobs out here can be higher paying... well that is if you are able to competitively obtain those positions.
Utah is home - for me that kind of says it all. But it raises all of the same questions. Where do we move, which area's would be better, do we try to find something affordable in Eagle Mountain? So many questions. Then there is work, continuing my college, high schools for the kids.
Really all of these things are what keep me up at night. I remind myself each day that I have to give it to God and trust that his plan will work out the way it needs to. But really, if you know me well you also know that I am a planner, I don't normally do things with out a well thought out plan so giving it to God can be really hard for me at times, then I worry because I am trying to control what is out of control in my life that I am screwing His plan up. Who knows.
I guess at this moment, I will simply try to give it to God and let it be in His hands... Go find something to make for dinner for the kiddo's.... and cuddle with them on the couch and just Thank God that at least when everything in life is out of control and I still have my children.
I am faced with the should we stay in Arizona or should we go back to Utah questions.
I have tried to sit down and weigh out all of the pro's and con's of both but I still don't know what the right decision is, what choice is the right one to make.
Reality is that we will end up starting all over. Arizona has the perk of cheaper housing due to the current economy and some of the jobs out here can be higher paying... well that is if you are able to competitively obtain those positions.
Utah is home - for me that kind of says it all. But it raises all of the same questions. Where do we move, which area's would be better, do we try to find something affordable in Eagle Mountain? So many questions. Then there is work, continuing my college, high schools for the kids.
Really all of these things are what keep me up at night. I remind myself each day that I have to give it to God and trust that his plan will work out the way it needs to. But really, if you know me well you also know that I am a planner, I don't normally do things with out a well thought out plan so giving it to God can be really hard for me at times, then I worry because I am trying to control what is out of control in my life that I am screwing His plan up. Who knows.
I guess at this moment, I will simply try to give it to God and let it be in His hands... Go find something to make for dinner for the kiddo's.... and cuddle with them on the couch and just Thank God that at least when everything in life is out of control and I still have my children.
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