So I am trying to be so super positive about this move. I am trying to be positive about all of the changes and the NEW Life that we have attempted to begin.
... so for a moment I want to go backwards.
I am really having the hardest time with this move. I am struggling as to whether or not this was the right decision. We all miss Arizona, we miss out home, we miss out church, we miss out friends.
We made the decision to move back to Utah because it was Home. Our friends and family are here. I truly thought that the move was in our families best interest so that while we were going through some of the hardest changes in our life we would be surrounded by our friends and family..... truth is... it hasn't been that way at all. I think friends and family in Utah were more supportive when we were in Arizona. I feel more alone in Utah than I felt in Arizona. It's hard.
Just about every day since we left the kids have asked to go back Home, referring to Arizona... I kept telling them that we are home; that Utah is out home. I think I was wrong.
Today I am missing the warm weather, the tile floors, the palm tree in my backyard. I am missing having a house full of my children's friends, driving Alexys to see Tyler, having a grocery store and gas station within walking distance. Having Chandler disappear with Bill and Jayden on their bikes, going to the gym to hang out and work out with my support group and friends. I miss my neighbors and neighborhood, the gravel landscaping and blooming everything.
Reality is I know that Home is wherever the three of us are together but Utah feels so far from Home to me right now. It feels cold and lonely. Now that I have vented... time to get my rear in the shower, ready for the day and drive to return my daughter's box spring that we bought on CHristmas Eve not knowing it was a Queen instead of a Full.
Missing Arizona and the Home we had created there....
Saturday, January 5, 2013
Thursday, December 6, 2012
Happy Birthday
Today is the date of my birth. Even though I chose not to have a relationship with my mother I am still thankful to both her and my dad for bringing me into this world 31 years ago today.
I's funny the last few years I have had friends turning 30 and getting 'over the hill' parties thrown. Cracks me up! I really never freaking out last year when I turned 30. Honestly, it partly wasn't a big deal because I started having children young so my children alone age me. I felt old before 30.
Thirty wasn't too bad for me. I joined a gym, learned how to eat clean. lost a bunch of weight, quit smoking, started smoking again, and again, and again... I became a stay at home mom, a cheer mom, football mom, and a student. This past year has come with it's challenges just as the year ahead will have a different set of challenges but I rolled with the punches and turned 31.
Thirty-one will be a year of rediscovery for me. We are moving back to Eagle Mountain here in a couple of weeks, starting all over again will be challenging however will build my relationship with Jesus and my children. I will be a single mom all over again, however I will remain a full-time student, find employment and figure it all out. A couple of months ago I decided that I had to start putting things in God's hands and have faith that He will provide. I have had moments where I panic and then I remember that I simply need to fall to my knees and pray for guidance. He will provide. Sometimes I pray and the answers I get aren't the ones I want to hear, sometimes the answer is No. But at the end of each day, He has provided and slowly everything is starting to work out.
Today, I have so much to be thankful and grateful for - my children, my family and my friends. Thank you for all of your love and support. Today I am thankful that I am 31.
I's funny the last few years I have had friends turning 30 and getting 'over the hill' parties thrown. Cracks me up! I really never freaking out last year when I turned 30. Honestly, it partly wasn't a big deal because I started having children young so my children alone age me. I felt old before 30.
Thirty wasn't too bad for me. I joined a gym, learned how to eat clean. lost a bunch of weight, quit smoking, started smoking again, and again, and again... I became a stay at home mom, a cheer mom, football mom, and a student. This past year has come with it's challenges just as the year ahead will have a different set of challenges but I rolled with the punches and turned 31.
Thirty-one will be a year of rediscovery for me. We are moving back to Eagle Mountain here in a couple of weeks, starting all over again will be challenging however will build my relationship with Jesus and my children. I will be a single mom all over again, however I will remain a full-time student, find employment and figure it all out. A couple of months ago I decided that I had to start putting things in God's hands and have faith that He will provide. I have had moments where I panic and then I remember that I simply need to fall to my knees and pray for guidance. He will provide. Sometimes I pray and the answers I get aren't the ones I want to hear, sometimes the answer is No. But at the end of each day, He has provided and slowly everything is starting to work out.
Today, I have so much to be thankful and grateful for - my children, my family and my friends. Thank you for all of your love and support. Today I am thankful that I am 31.
Monday, November 26, 2012
Holidays Stink
It isn't a secret that I am pretty much all bah-hum-bug lately. Moving during the holidays is not ideal for anyone. When Paul and I decided to get a divorce and I decided to move myself and the kids back to Utah I pretty much told the kids that the holidays will entail us moving. My gift to them is returning home to Utah where our friends and families are present. The gift of family in my opinion should be considered the greatest gift of all.
But am I wrong? Should I be trying to shop for Christmas gifts that I will have to find somewhere to pack them and move them? Should I be attempting to decorate as I normally would just to tear it all down a week before Christmas to put it on the moving truck?
I want to attempt to keep things as normal as possible for the kids but at what point do I focus on the packing and moving? I would never suggest to anyone to decide to move during the holidays. It really "for Me" ruins the holidays.
But am I wrong? Should I be trying to shop for Christmas gifts that I will have to find somewhere to pack them and move them? Should I be attempting to decorate as I normally would just to tear it all down a week before Christmas to put it on the moving truck?
I want to attempt to keep things as normal as possible for the kids but at what point do I focus on the packing and moving? I would never suggest to anyone to decide to move during the holidays. It really "for Me" ruins the holidays.
Tuesday, November 20, 2012
AZ Life Coming to an END
Well it is finally official; our Arizona life is coming to an end. Flights are scheduled for family to fly in to help pack up and drive our belongings to a storage unit in Utah. U-Haul is booked and waiting to be picked up. Back of my truck is full of boxes just waiting to be filled.
The move is bitter sweet. As we leave Arizona we also leave behind us the family and life that we once had. I have had many days where I go back and forth questioning if agreeing to a divorce was the right option or if mistakes were made. Reality is that mistakes were made on both ends. I have come to terms with the situation and really believe that this is what is best for all of us. But that doesn't make any of it any easier.
I am not sure yet where the kids and I will land or where we will make our home in Utah but I do know that it will be the three of us together. Really that is all that matters. I am excited to have the opportunity to watch my nieces and nephew grow up. I am thrilled that I will be just a short drive away from my sisters and my brother. I am blessed that we have two church communities that we have missed and grateful that we will always be welcome to come back. Coffee with the girls will at some point resume. So many things that we are looking forward to.
I am so blessed to have met so many amazing people while here in Arizona and it will be hard to leave them behind. I hope that the kids and I can plan future trips to come back and visit friends and our current church community.
Anyhow, everything happens for a reason. Our past transforms us into who we are and our future is something that only God has the power to decide. So for now I will continue to trust that God has a plan for us and we will be where he needs us to be in our future. Living in the moment is about all I am prepared to focus on. So blessed I am.
The move is bitter sweet. As we leave Arizona we also leave behind us the family and life that we once had. I have had many days where I go back and forth questioning if agreeing to a divorce was the right option or if mistakes were made. Reality is that mistakes were made on both ends. I have come to terms with the situation and really believe that this is what is best for all of us. But that doesn't make any of it any easier.
I am not sure yet where the kids and I will land or where we will make our home in Utah but I do know that it will be the three of us together. Really that is all that matters. I am excited to have the opportunity to watch my nieces and nephew grow up. I am thrilled that I will be just a short drive away from my sisters and my brother. I am blessed that we have two church communities that we have missed and grateful that we will always be welcome to come back. Coffee with the girls will at some point resume. So many things that we are looking forward to.
I am so blessed to have met so many amazing people while here in Arizona and it will be hard to leave them behind. I hope that the kids and I can plan future trips to come back and visit friends and our current church community.
Anyhow, everything happens for a reason. Our past transforms us into who we are and our future is something that only God has the power to decide. So for now I will continue to trust that God has a plan for us and we will be where he needs us to be in our future. Living in the moment is about all I am prepared to focus on. So blessed I am.
Monday, November 5, 2012
Lost
Feeling pretty lost today.
I am faced with the should we stay in Arizona or should we go back to Utah questions.
I have tried to sit down and weigh out all of the pro's and con's of both but I still don't know what the right decision is, what choice is the right one to make.
Reality is that we will end up starting all over. Arizona has the perk of cheaper housing due to the current economy and some of the jobs out here can be higher paying... well that is if you are able to competitively obtain those positions.
Utah is home - for me that kind of says it all. But it raises all of the same questions. Where do we move, which area's would be better, do we try to find something affordable in Eagle Mountain? So many questions. Then there is work, continuing my college, high schools for the kids.
Really all of these things are what keep me up at night. I remind myself each day that I have to give it to God and trust that his plan will work out the way it needs to. But really, if you know me well you also know that I am a planner, I don't normally do things with out a well thought out plan so giving it to God can be really hard for me at times, then I worry because I am trying to control what is out of control in my life that I am screwing His plan up. Who knows.
I guess at this moment, I will simply try to give it to God and let it be in His hands... Go find something to make for dinner for the kiddo's.... and cuddle with them on the couch and just Thank God that at least when everything in life is out of control and I still have my children.
I am faced with the should we stay in Arizona or should we go back to Utah questions.
I have tried to sit down and weigh out all of the pro's and con's of both but I still don't know what the right decision is, what choice is the right one to make.
Reality is that we will end up starting all over. Arizona has the perk of cheaper housing due to the current economy and some of the jobs out here can be higher paying... well that is if you are able to competitively obtain those positions.
Utah is home - for me that kind of says it all. But it raises all of the same questions. Where do we move, which area's would be better, do we try to find something affordable in Eagle Mountain? So many questions. Then there is work, continuing my college, high schools for the kids.
Really all of these things are what keep me up at night. I remind myself each day that I have to give it to God and trust that his plan will work out the way it needs to. But really, if you know me well you also know that I am a planner, I don't normally do things with out a well thought out plan so giving it to God can be really hard for me at times, then I worry because I am trying to control what is out of control in my life that I am screwing His plan up. Who knows.
I guess at this moment, I will simply try to give it to God and let it be in His hands... Go find something to make for dinner for the kiddo's.... and cuddle with them on the couch and just Thank God that at least when everything in life is out of control and I still have my children.
Thursday, October 25, 2012
Everything Happens For A Reason
I have always said that everything happens for a reason. Sometimes I don't know or understand the reasoning but I have always believed this statement. Lately, I have struggled with find reason for the things happening in my life and I often have to remember that I have to give it to God and trust that His will will be done. This is hard for me.
Our family is going through many of changes. Some too personal to post. What I do ask for now is simply pray for us. Give us our space to allow us to work through the issues at hand. The last month has been difficult and I understand family and friends want to be there to support us and I also understand that some people just want to be nosy and want to know what is going on. Please, Please, just pray for us, pray that we have the strength and courage to make the right decisions. Pray for Alexys and Chandler's health, since they are athletes both of them have had some fun injuries. Alexys is dealing with some bad Bronchitis issues and we are getting ready to see a specialist.
Finally, pray for Paul. His health has been a challenge. Diabetes is an up hill battle all of the time. He works a lot of hours which at times makes it difficult to take care of his health.
Above all, for today; I am simply going to remember that everything does happen for a reason and apparently right now I am not able to see the end game or the big picture but I have to trust it will all work out the way it is meant to be.
Have a blessed day.
Our family is going through many of changes. Some too personal to post. What I do ask for now is simply pray for us. Give us our space to allow us to work through the issues at hand. The last month has been difficult and I understand family and friends want to be there to support us and I also understand that some people just want to be nosy and want to know what is going on. Please, Please, just pray for us, pray that we have the strength and courage to make the right decisions. Pray for Alexys and Chandler's health, since they are athletes both of them have had some fun injuries. Alexys is dealing with some bad Bronchitis issues and we are getting ready to see a specialist.
Finally, pray for Paul. His health has been a challenge. Diabetes is an up hill battle all of the time. He works a lot of hours which at times makes it difficult to take care of his health.
Above all, for today; I am simply going to remember that everything does happen for a reason and apparently right now I am not able to see the end game or the big picture but I have to trust it will all work out the way it is meant to be.
Have a blessed day.
Friday, March 9, 2012
24 Day Challenge Result
Funny, last night I tried so hard to get some sleep but I was so excited to go to the gym and get my measurements done. Today is the 24th day of my 24 Day Challenge.
I am down 17 pounds!!!!!
I have also lost a total of 11.25 inches!!!!!
Today I am jumping out of my skin with joy. 24 Days ago I was still wearing my super cute 17/18 Hydraulic Jeans that I totally loved. Today, I am wearing women's size 12, juniors size 13 jeans!!
So went Paul and I started dating 6+ years ago I wore a 14/16. I have yo-yo'd weight wise for so long. When I went shopping and snugly fit into my jeans last weekend I was thrilled! I put my jeans away for the week and continued to bust butt at the gym and today I was able to button them with no effort, actually I have a feeling I am going to already need new jeans in a couple of weeks. But that I am okay with.
As of today I have lost 46 pounds since I moved here to Arizona. So you ask how is my Arizona Life?
Well as of today - FANTASTIC! There are no more excuses. There is no holding back and there is NO WAY I am putting any of those pounds back on! This was not a New Year's Resolution like most. When I moved here, I decided I needed to change my life. I needed to find that happy place and work on me. I am blessed to have an amazing, supportive husband that has allowed me and supported me all the way through this. On my good days and on my bad ones!
Now that I am loving being thinner than even when I met my husband there is no stopping me! My goal is to be in a size 5-7. Honestly, I look back at pictures and didn't really like how unhealthy I looked when I was super thin, so I have decided not be be thin but to be healthy. My goal is to lose another 30 pounds and after my challenge this month I can see that my goal is obtainable and can't wait.
Not every program out there works for everyone. However if you are interested in the one I am doing let me know. I would love to share how I got here. I have eaten 5-6 meals every single day, I have not starved myself of gone hungry and am only doing 45 minutes to an hour of cardio daily. But I am living proof that if you set your mind to something you can do it. 46 pounds since we moved here at the end of August, gone!
Till Next Time! Make a Plan and STICK TO IT! Only you can change you.
Tasha
I am down 17 pounds!!!!!
I have also lost a total of 11.25 inches!!!!!
Today I am jumping out of my skin with joy. 24 Days ago I was still wearing my super cute 17/18 Hydraulic Jeans that I totally loved. Today, I am wearing women's size 12, juniors size 13 jeans!!
So went Paul and I started dating 6+ years ago I wore a 14/16. I have yo-yo'd weight wise for so long. When I went shopping and snugly fit into my jeans last weekend I was thrilled! I put my jeans away for the week and continued to bust butt at the gym and today I was able to button them with no effort, actually I have a feeling I am going to already need new jeans in a couple of weeks. But that I am okay with.
As of today I have lost 46 pounds since I moved here to Arizona. So you ask how is my Arizona Life?
Well as of today - FANTASTIC! There are no more excuses. There is no holding back and there is NO WAY I am putting any of those pounds back on! This was not a New Year's Resolution like most. When I moved here, I decided I needed to change my life. I needed to find that happy place and work on me. I am blessed to have an amazing, supportive husband that has allowed me and supported me all the way through this. On my good days and on my bad ones!
Now that I am loving being thinner than even when I met my husband there is no stopping me! My goal is to be in a size 5-7. Honestly, I look back at pictures and didn't really like how unhealthy I looked when I was super thin, so I have decided not be be thin but to be healthy. My goal is to lose another 30 pounds and after my challenge this month I can see that my goal is obtainable and can't wait.
Not every program out there works for everyone. However if you are interested in the one I am doing let me know. I would love to share how I got here. I have eaten 5-6 meals every single day, I have not starved myself of gone hungry and am only doing 45 minutes to an hour of cardio daily. But I am living proof that if you set your mind to something you can do it. 46 pounds since we moved here at the end of August, gone!
Till Next Time! Make a Plan and STICK TO IT! Only you can change you.
Tasha
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